Santacon Came to Town (And I MOSTLY missed it…) December 15, 2009

So, on Saturday morning at around 9AM, my father and I were standing on the train platform to go to the MOMA to see the Tim Burton exhibit (and the Saks windows and the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree). And what do we see walking down the platform but a guy in a Santa suit carrying a red bag. I thought MAYBE he would give us all presents. But he didn’t. It did make me smile though. I thought nothing of this until I saw ANOTHER Santa crossing the parking lot accompanied by a GIRL Santa. “Whats up with all the Santas?” we wondered.

When we got on the train, there were about eight OTHER Santas who immediately made themselves known by saying “Ho! Ho! Ho!” to the three that got on the car with us.

It was a noisy train full of children. But I have to admit the Santas were also pretty rowdy. Before we got off the train, my father said, “It seems that in order to wear a santa suit, you should also be drunk.”

As we headed into Grand Central, a stream of about 30 Santas (plus a Christmas tree and a few Mrs. Clauses) led us up the stairs. It was one of the more odd experiences I’ve had.

I wondered WHAT was going on, so I’ve googled and apparently, Saturday was SANTACON which according to The Daily News is “an annual pub crawl”

When I got back ON the train at around 8PM, I saw the same Santa couple that had gotten on with us on Saturday morning. I was museum tired, but they were Santacon tired. I wonder who slept better on Saturday night.

8 Great Reads December 14, 2009

In honor of Hanukkah, I had planned to do a series where every night for eight nights, I gave you one of my eight favorite books of the year. BUT, life has intervened and that’s clearly not going to happen. But I will give you a list of the eight books I loved best this year (these aren’t necessarily books that were published in 2009, but many are).

8. American Painter: Emma Dial by Samantha Peale
This is a book that I think about often–it is about the assistant to an artist who creates his paintings for him. It is a novel about individuality and creativity.

7. The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton
A novel that captured my heart–it has all of my favorite themes, fake art, British People (and even better–they live in CORNWALL), secret gardens and long lost family members.

6. My Life in France by Julia Child
A fantastic memoir that gives hope that it’s never too late to follow your dreams.

5. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Steig Larsson
A great literary mystery with unusual characters and so many twists and turns. I also learned a lot about Sweeden!

4. Invisible by Paul Auster
I am a huge fan of Paul Auster’s twisty meta-novels and this one was one of the best examples of his work in a long time, maybe ever.

3. A Fraction of the Whole by Steve Toltz
I picked this up because I had read that it was hilarious. It didn’t make me laugh out loud, but the voice just wowed me. And I love an unexpected epic.

2. The House on Fortune Street by Margot Livesey
A multiple point of view novel that surprises at every turn. A literary novel that has an element of suspense is the best kind.

1. Await Your Reply by Dan Chaon
An amazingly structured book and a suspenseful one with a selection of some of the most well-developed characters I’ve read in a long time.

Oh and there’s also the shamus candle (the helper candle) on the menorah, so I get one more pick and that is my guilty pleasure read of the year: The Hunger Games. Talk about book-crack. I could not put this post-apocalyptic story down.

The award for Unexpected Enjoyment goes to Waiting for Columbus. If I had had ten slots, it would have gotten the tenth. It was one of those books that creates such empathy–I felt as unbalanced as Columbus, as lovesick as Consuela and as searching as Emile.

And perhaps to carry on a theme, I should mention that I read five of these ten titles as eBooks and most likely four of them would not have been books I had purchased at all if not for the low eBook price (and huge convenience of having a book in your phone.) I expect that the rate of 50% eBook to print book will probably tip more toward eBook in 2010. That’s my prediction. How’s that for futurecasting?

There were a number of books published by my company that I loved as well–among them: The Scarecrow, April & Oliver, Laura Rider’s Masterpiece, Follow Me. But being that I am restricted in number (by my own design) I haven’t chosen any of them on this list, but I do recommend them highly. All will come out in paperback in 2010.

Gnome-tastic December 13, 2009

I love a gnome. What could be bad, really? They help in the garden at night AND they are adorable. But now, the TRUE nirvana of gnomes has arrived in the form of Gnome Chomsky the Garden Noam. I’m just going to quote from the site that sells him:

Standing at just under 17inches, Gnome Chomsky the Garden Noam clutches his classic books, ‘The Manufacture of Compost’ and ‘Hedgerows not Hegemony’ – with his open right hand ready to hold the political slogan of your choosing. His clothes represent a relaxed but classy version of regular gnome attire, including: a nice suit jacket-tunic, jeans, boots, traditional gnome cap, and glasses. Additionally, Noam Gnome stands on a base complete with a carved title – for anyone who may not immediately realize the identity of this handsome and scholarly gnome.

Additionally, you can PAINT YOUR OWN Noam. And if you’re more of a history buff, why not get a Howard Zinn Monk?!

The celebrated ‘historian of the people’ meditating on history like you’ve never seen him before! Howard the Zinn Monk provides a peaceful and centered anchor amidst the often turbulent and chaotic onrush of world events, and helps to bring a more insightful historical awareness to any home or garden. With his characteristic wild flying hair and considerable eyebrows the Zinn Monk is clothed in the traditional flowing robes of a Zen roshi, and sits resolutely in a Zen meditation posture – with his legs crossed and his fingers and hands connecting to form a circle – the classic symbol of the infinite.

Worst books of the decade December 8, 2009

The Guardian has weighed in on what they think are the worst books of the decade (THE DAVINCI CODE, ORACLE NIGHT, THE BODY ARTIST and something by Jeffrey Archer).

Surely there are worse books than those. The two books that tortured me the most in the past decade were THE YIDDISH POLICEMAN’S LEAGUE by Michael Chabon as it literally ruined my ENTIRE summer by being so boring. And of course, my pet peeve, SPECIAL TOPICS IN CALAMITY PHYSICS. I couldn’t be LESS INTERESTED in a book or an author than I am in that one/her. I also thought THE BROOKLYN FOLLIES was INFINITELY worse than ORACLE NIGHT. I liked ORACLE NIGHT. BRIGHT SHINY MORNING by James Frey was also pretty painful. (Thanks to my Goodreads list I now remember what books I hated! W-Hoo!)

Notice that I have not linked any of these book titles to a bookseller. This is partially because I am exhausted and partially because I don’t think you should read them.

What are your worsts of the decade?

Apparently, the solution is a Ziploc December 6, 2009

When asked how he reads his kindle in the bath, Jeff Bezos told the New York Times (in a seemingly cantankerous interview, although it’s always hard to tell with these Deborah Solomon things): “I’ll tell you what I do. I take a one-gallon Ziploc bag, and I put my Kindle in my one-gallon Ziploc bag, and it works beautifully. It’s much better than a physical book, because obviously if you put your physical book in a Ziploc bag you can’t turn the pages. But with Kindle, you can just push the buttons.”

I once read the New Yorker in the bath…it got kind of wet. I probably won’t do that again.

The view from my door December 5, 2009

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!

Two of My Favorite Things December 3, 2009

Are: Bohemian Raphsody by Queen and the Muppets.

After Wayne’s World came out and the song became popular, I bought a cassette single at Tower Records (I might as well have cranked up the Model T while I was at it…) and I listened to it over and over again (remember that this required rewinding because I didn’t like the song on the other side) until I knew ALL the words. Which I still know. Taking up valuable brain space. But there’s also all the words to Neil Diamond songs and American Pie (which I taped by holding my tape recorder NEAR the record player and then executed the same listening and rewinding…) in there so I guess it’s all okay.

The Muppets, well, clearly they rock. Watch and learn:

A story I would NEVER have been able to tell in New York December 2, 2009

So, I was at Walmart last night, exchanging some accessories for a muzzle loader. And the woman in charge of the customer service section came into the area with an open EPT Pregnancy Test Box.

“Someone took this test in the bathroom and left the open box,” she said.
“Did they leave the test too?” I asked.
“Nope, just the box and the papers,” she said.
“So, we won’t even get to know if it is a girl or a boy?” the woman ringing me up said.

I am not making any of this up.

Little bits December 1, 2009

A few things I need to tell you:

1. The person who googled “trolls real” and arrived at this blog is my favorite person of the week.

2. If you are looking for a low calorie, high protein thing to eat for breakfast, you should get the new Stonyfield Farms Organic Greek Yogurt. Individually packaged in 4 oz containers, it only has 70 calories and 12 grams of protein.

3. I saw a red bellied woodpecker (which doesn’t have a red belly at all…) at my birdfeeder this morning and it was very lovely.

4. If you have a chance, you should listen to the “Poultry Slam” edition of This American Life, if only for the relatively brief story (it starts at about minute 15) about Spalding Grey. It is very touching.

Chrismukkah November 30, 2009

In case all the posts about menorahs and The Family Guy Jew episodes didn’t let you in on the secret: I am a Jew. And not the kind who had a Hanukkah bush. A full-on Santa-fearing, Tree-confused, Movie-Going on Christmas Jew. And my boyfriend Matthew LOVES Christmas.

But, I have been resisting Christmas since we met. Mostly because I fear it.

It is the ONE THING you are not allowed to have when you are a Jew like me (because I already eat bacon and cheeseburgers and shrimp cocktail). It is like the FORBIDDEN FRUIT in the Garden of Eden. The last bastion of fun that you just can’t partake in. This is not to say that I have not decorated a Christmas tree in my day–we did almost every year at my dad’s friend John’s house. FYI if you know a Jew they REALLY REALLY want to decorate your tree. This is also not to say that I did not look out my window for Santa on various Christmas Eve’s. (The REAL Passover as I like to call it). BUT Santa did not come to my house. And I have always secretly wanted but also loathed the holiday.

But I decided this year, a year in which we live in a real, lovely, grownup house that a tree would be nice. And we live in the CENTER of Christmas Tree Farms. The MECCA. Most likely if you bought a tree in the Southeast, it came from where we went yesterday. SO, I have embraced it. So, we went to Clark’s Hilltop Nursery in Floyd Virginia and bought an 8-foot Christmas tree. Because if it’s your first Christmas you need one that can barely fit through the door. CLEARLY.

Here’s a video of what they do to the tree after they cut it down:

And here’s a video of our Chrismukkah house:

And yes, I am still a Jew despite the tree. So, all the fear really was unfounded. I still feel guilty about everything, have curly hair and a big nose and worry that I will be homeless one day. All I’m doing is using a bit of extra electricity.